Monday, January 3, 2011

Man in the Mirror...


  1. Stepping stones:
    • This course forced me to question myself. I started questioning my own actions and tried to understand what makes me act the way I do. For some unknown reason I always avoided looking back into my past and to understand the present, but with this course I did that. I became ore self aware. Now each time I do something I know why I am doing that.
    • I shed lot of stereotypes and inhibitions that I had in me. I remember myself being very insensitive to issues related to sexuality and manhood. I used to be the first one to crack a ‘gay’ joke or tag someone as gay because he listened to backstreet boys or went out shopping. Now I have realised not only have become more conscious about these actions but also taken a step ahead to understand these issues.
    A few months back, I would not have gone to the Pride parade even if was paid to, forget about dancing with transvestites.
    • In this course, I realised even after one and a half years of living together, being in the same college and being in similar courses, I had not interacted with a lot of my batch mates. Yes, we did say hi and did wish each other on our birthdays, but that was it. I realised I had no working experience with half the people.
    With this course, I got to know people I thought I knew. Worked with people I never thought I’d work with. Made newer friends, and also got to know a bit about myself.

    Studio habit:

    • I decided to reflect, it was something I always wanted to do. That was it. I never really got myself to reflect. I hated to write, each time I held the pen I would be lost half the time or sketching. Let alone reflecting I had a hard time convincing myself to get a book and use a pen to write stuff (my XII history answer sheets gave me a sort of writophobia).
    But then after seeing my other batch mates do it and Evan encouraging it, I did give it a start.
    I still struggle to down my thoughts to words, but at least I succeed in getting myself to sit down and write ‘something’. Yes I am still lost at times, but I believe I can overcome it.

    • It matters because this course made me want to be a better person. The movies I watched and the issues we talked about made me realise about so many things I was blind to. I was so insensitive to some without knowing a bit about it. Also the movie like Tough Guise reminded me of a phase I was part of, a time when I was completely unaware of why I did certain things. I always had this urge to prove my manhood by putting on the tough guise, which was reinforced by my stay in a Boys’ hostel. Being not sensitive was seen as something so cool and manlike. “I don’t care ...” attitude doesn’t always work.

  2. that's really well thought of.

    i wonder if all the boys from your hostel at some point undergo the same revelation or it takes a dynamic change or an incident that challenges them to make them realize that they're feeding off stereotypes.

    i'm glad that for you, rather for all of us,this dynamic change was something positive and constructive like gender shadow and not something uninvited that would've left us feeling lost.