Sunday, October 31, 2010

Engendered through mudras

Exploring how Baratnatyam is engendered through the same mudras that are used in both lasya and tandava.

performing hands

During our session with Anitha,we learned about the presence of a masculine and feminine energy within us and how they intertwine to achieve balance, We tried to personify these energies and depict them as forces trying achieve a certain harmony. It starts as mimicry which is then embodied and harmonized to arrive at synergy

music star

our idea is how when we say 'rockstar' the image that comes in my mind is of a beefy guy holding guitar and growling on a big stage and crowd going mad but never a lady singing rock and doing the same even when there are many girl rock bands like 'the runaways'
similarly when we say pop star the image that comes in the mind is of a girl but not really we would image a guy singing pop.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

our video represents the suppression of  women, be it in a relationship or in the society. it shows how she is controlled and manipulated but there are a few of them who break through these borders .

Friday, October 29, 2010

How Women are Portrayed in Media

Our hand performance shows the way women are portrayed in the media, as sex objects, thus we used a song which talks about the dishonor of Munni (a woman), the video shows that how such songs term women in derogatory ways, that whenever there is an act of sexual abuse, the reasons from the male side are always the same-they were provoked.
This is a form of branding and stereotyping that is being created by mass media.

Masked Hands

Masks fuse into our personalities. We have dealt with the concept that parents or people who bring us up, impose structures on us that in time, turn to become restrictions that inhibit growth. Our own masks turn against us.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Performing Hands

Your Assignment:

Create a 45-90 second video of your hands performing a commentary on gender.

Post with 2 or 3 labels:
  1. Your name
  2. Your partners name (if applicable)
  3. Performing Hands
Comment on at least 2 other Performing Hands posts.

Creative inspiration below:

More hand ads

two face...

“A mask is an article normally worn on the face, typically for protection, concealment, performance or amusement( . As a metaphor nowadays, masks are pit occasionally by a person to hide it’s real self, which can also be to elate his/her stature in the society. Males putting on the mask of a tough guy is one such example where he thinks his inner feeling cannot be accessed cause of this mask that he is wearing which then gets suppressed down.

Masks can sometimes also be useful, e.g. a person has to go for a job interview, or cheering for your friend even he’s playing well are good examples.

Masks in a person's life is inevitable, and are neither wrong to have, it just depends to the way the masks are being used.


Masks are personalities that are put on or imposed by others.

A mask is neither good or bad, it could protect or hide, its needed to adjust to situations or to a social construct or on the other hand masks may become heavy and irritating.

That said masks are so very broadly categorized they are very difficult to differentiate between oneself and mask. Often the effect of the mask on a person becomes so great the mask has the danger of becoming fused and irremovable.

The only time one may become aware of a mask is through embarrassment or if the mask cracks or breaks or if the mask becomes heavy or uncomfortable

Some questions that I thought of were

Can one exist without masks?

Is "self" just another mask?


Masks :
Wearing masks or putting on a fake identity for any situation was like being fearful and scared of being your true self and hated myself for doing it every time I would bear another more socially accepted front .but after having a very enriching discussion which we had ,it make me look at things in a broader perspective and look deeper in the subject and realized that wearing a mask according to situations and people just because of the most innate need to be accepted and belong in a group is something not appalling ,but is necessary .and thus we shouldn’t be ashamed about putting diverse faces . We should get scared when the masks we wear so often gets amalgamated into us, gets undetectable and takes over our will, choice, and life. And it is then that we can’t break through and have the free will we can afford to have in society. And it is then we are caught in a conflict and which leads us to question ourselves : “WHO AM I ?”
And as we looked deeper into the matter, I was really thrown balance as at that point world just looked like a stage, and identity or personality masks just looked like clothes we change according to fashion or spaces. And my insight became empowered which I had built through the previous courses and reflection which was that what we conceitingly declare to be our own identity is nothing more than the reflection of what society teachings build on us through our upbringing and thus we cannot call that our true identity .
But this really hit and upset me as this was something I Have never wanted to accept and every day my choices and experiences make me more aware of the existent of this in our society. Yet something that made me doubt this a little and gave me a diminutive hope as not knowing your true self or going through identity crisis is almost frightening and intimidating was that it is our identity that makes us prefer among the many masks which are accepted in the society and thus after all we do have minuscule amount of mind of our own and choices which is not completely depended on the society .


I believe in order for society to run or humans to survive, we need to put on masks. Masks need not always mean deception or lies, sometimes it maybe for the better. If masking a few emotions of a being is doing him and the people around him good, I don’t think anything’s wrong with that.

But inspite of all this, an individual should be aware of his true self.

I always thought I was aware of the masks that I have been putting on to deal with people. But it was only recently that I became aware of the bigger mask that i was putting on against myself. I never saw myself as an emotional person. I always would smile away if I ever were to face problems. But now i’ve realised that beneath that happy face I had bottled up a lot of emotions. I had just not given it a chance to express. Some were emotions of violent anger, while some of regret of not being able to express myself when I had the chance.


Its interesting to know how masks are used as metaphors and how one changes masks according to the situation, time and the person in front. We wear masks to satisfy others, make them happy or hurt them, or to fit in to a group etc,.. we wear many masks, but do these masks over power our true self? do the masks define your personality?,.. but then if I think about it again, wearing different masks might help us define one's true self!

Wear me down

Masks ....according to the definition ,a mask is just something to cover your face with mainly for protection ,amusement and performance ....but now these masks have become a part of us and our identities ..we consciously or unconsciously are wearing a mask at all times ..and all this becomes a perfect lie as all of us are wearing masks at all times we are dealing with situations we change our masks to fit into that situation the end that mask finally gets fused with your identity ...we all wear layers of masks over us and it just keeps getting thicker and thicker and we lose our identity in itself .....and embarrassment is the perfect moment when our mask cracks .....when one becomes a man of knowledge that's when one becomes free of these masks and dualistic identities ..

Masks are us.

Masks have always been a representation of my core characteristics. The rights and wrongs, knowingly and unknowingly, the influences coming my way, how I want to deal with things, how we must carry it out? What will people think?
What will people say? Think? Comment? Being talked about? In what fashion?
All of the above affects us.
So we put masks to make others happy, sad, angry... And ourselves to an extent.
Masks are what we want to project out to the world.
Its already on our skin. Keeps changing from time to time.
Masks are us.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


After hat long discussion about masks, I was thinking about this concept of mask whole day. Thinking on this topic, I thought that how many time we actually decide and wear our masks, most of the times it happens naturally. For example, we are completely different persons when we are with family and when we are with friends. However, at that time we don’t decide and shuffle that mask, it happens naturally. Therefore consciously thinking about how to behave, what to talk, what are our moral values is just going to make our life difficult. So let it come naturally to you and let it go with the flow. We are never the same person throughout our life, we change constantly with the change in our environment, to adjust in that environment we change our masks. And I personally don’t think there is anything wrong in it. it’s a part of our life.

True self


A covering for all or part of the face, in particular is what my Mac’s dictionary defines it, quite clear there are many types of masks personally I like Japanese masks because I think they are more ambiguous and have deeper meanings associated to them. But recently I came across a mask of a different type that we permanently wear over our faces to have a face, which we want, to look something you are not, to be someone you are not. These masks are our emotions, our way of presenting ourselves basically in every situation. We wear masks permanently maybe to look different in front of others and have a different impression on them which u want. But if u wear them all the time then what is your true self? Then what are trying to be, relative to what? I don’t think we even realize that our true self is hidden underneath a mask. I think these masks are because of the influences that shaped us. Maybe we prefer wearing these masks to hide our insecurities and our limitations. But I see no harm wearing them because that’s way this world works. In a way it also creates a sense of competition between people. So I think its kind of important.

Masking: Now it is a part of me.

Fake or true?
Polite or rude?
Who decides who is who?
I am what I want to be, I am what I want to show
I am what I want you to see, I am whatever I can be.
I may show it in my voice,
I may put it on my face.
I live with it, I lie with it,
I cry with it, I spy with it.
It works as shield for me,
Protects the world from knowing the reality.
I change it every now and then
Now it is a part of me.

Masking Mania

Masks could be used for positive as well as negative purposes. I put on masks to cover those areas of myself that I feel are still not mature enough to expose to the world, or, the world is not mature enough to be exposed to. I feel that I would wear a mask on the days i feel inadequate or insecure about certain attributes of myself. I also put on masks which bear attributes of the kind of person i would like to be. Masks can uplift people or bring down some. What i'd like to think about is how long can a mask be worn before it weathers away. if I would like to wear a mask for a period of time how long is too long, as well as whether i can ever put a mask back into the closet forever. I feel that attributes that a mask carry can rub off onto the wearer in substantial time. Sometimes, I might even forget the real face behind the mask and it becomes difficult for the people who know me to differentiate between the 'both of me'.

Masked Always?

Image center: The entire shadow mask
Image left: A stylized cock mask
Image right: A stylized fish mask

What are identities? Can masks that we wear consciously or sub-consciously be termed as a part of a person's identity? Are they extensions of the real 'you' or are they completely separate pieces of personalities that we wear according to situations?


Masks or Extensions? True or false?
Is it who we are or who we pretend to be or is an exaggeration of our true selves?
Our lives are masked by the faces that people want to see.
Masks during courtship and the ones in front of your family...
Experiences are endless so are the masks that we wear....
Rreak out from them?
Remember that your wearing one...and accept that it is a necessity in society

So who are you wearing today ?

Masks, like the skin I chose to wear today, don't hide my "true self ".
I don't know if I believe in a true self at all, there is far too much faith in an eventuality, in that. They're just a variation of who you were yesterday. I don't see them as binding, more as tools for adaption, that we bind ourselves to because sometimes,
its easier than changing.

who am I today?

It is interesting how the mask which was or is still used for amusement or cultural practices is also a part of every human’s identity. I always knew that a person would wear a mask of disguise at one point or the other to protect himself or hide his identity but I was never realised that at every moment an individual masks himself and there is very little time that anyone of us are unmasked or being our true self.

One of the reasons to be masked is I thought because we feel the need to be accepted. With every different group we play a different role which suits that group so that we are accepted and liked. It is interesting how we are constantly masking ourselves and in this practice I feel that we our losing our true self and it is very difficult to identify when we are not faking our identity as we are constantly layered with a variety of masks.

When we wear making the masks one thought that came to my mind was that we not only wear masks to hide identity or to be accepted but sometimes it has to be worn for the sake of others. There are many instances in my life where I feel that I have worn a mask not for myself but for others around me. I have tried to show that through the mask above where one side is constantly smiling and joking around while the inside which I still don’t know if it is my true self is struggling to keep the tears from coming out.

The talk by Evan has covered all of the ideas I had about invisible masks we were.
During the session I was thinking which of the different kinds of masks that are available in front of you to choose. Fore egs, you can see people who are introverts, people who are extroverts and people who are both. Or you can also divide masks on the basis of features left on our face because of our professions. You can see the difference between an officer and a farmer.

In the journal I was thinking if there are any particular mask that suites me the best or am I going to feel the same irrespective of the mask I am wearing. I was analyzing the different categories of people among youths.
I am presenting this in the form of a shop where different kinds of masks are sold and from there I can choose the right and best mask for yourself. There are 3 main catogories that I have included. One is the group of people who are party guys, one is studious fellows and the other is a creepy guy. When I see many groups of peopl e like I wonder which one do I belong to? Which one gives you best satisfaction. I was making maps of thoughts while they were coming to my head.


I always identified the word ‘masks’ with a pretentious image or display of a character by choice or force at a particular situation– Through our conversations at Vistaar it hit me, that as personalities who we are or tend to be is a constant projection of various masks/identities which we use to aspire, hide or create a certain image of - So who are we once this mask is off? Is there a even a real me? Are we aware of how or when this mask is worn and controlled? Is it an unconscious action which is repeated over and over again and becomes part of ones character?

Identity masks come from insecurities or projections of characters which one wishes to convince or prove to somebody. Is the fear of losing the mask the cause of its permanency in character projection which later unconsciously becomes part of your personality? The dilemma of wearing the mask and letting the mask control who you become or project is a powerful force in itself .

I feel a lot of times these masks come into play in my actions from simple moments where i try to be modest or even smoke a cigarette thinking i am in a 'Wong Kar Wai' film - The constant fight whether to wear the mask or not is what I find interesting, at times even though you may hate to project the mask - situations force you or compel you to give in and display what it commands - The irony is its still a part of you, controlled by you and given in by you - So who ever is on the receiving end is bound to analyse you or judge you on your actions.


The term mask is frequently used by me to refer to an act of deceit or a false identity. To see it as the selective portrayal of elements of one’s own personality and not as borrowed or acquired was a new perspective to explore. It is interesting how the function of the ancient masks-that of propagating mythological characters-is adapted in the contemporary masks of stereotypes which are in a way characters abstracted to their most pronounced traits speaking of popular discourse such as the cool teenager or the devoted wife.

With the many masks that we wear,is it possible to be aware of one’s real self? Maybe the awareness of holding the authority over one’s masks and not letting our masks become our masters is awareness of the self. I feel vulnerable to being unmasked when I am unsure of what lies behind it like my weaknesses, my insecurities or my secrets. I seek something like a password that only I have the knowledge to and which I feel compelled to remember so that the mask serves its temporariness. I fear that a mask that becomes permanent and leaves room for no other will slowly become the only self that I recognise even though it was something that I wished for others to see. No matter how varied the masks may be, to the wearer they all look the same on the underside and this is an acknowledgement of the starkness of the real self. Once we see ourselves for who we are, it may be possible to anchor one’s identity to something familiar, even when we have been unmasked or when the masks begin to crack.

Shadow Mask

Do you also wear a mask ?!
I think mask is not only hide your identity but also gives you a new identity . I think there is not even a single person in this world who does not wear a mask . People are always wearing a mask just to be in the society and not discarded by them for what they are. People are scared to reveal their true identity so they wear a mask to change their identity and be the part of rest of the world . I think our true self is also a mask , a mask that our parents gave us . Some people even wear mask because they don't like what they are and they take characteristics of different people and make a mask of their choice. Each and everyone is wearing a mask all the time unconsciously .


Well, I was always aware of the faces (or rather masks from now) that I put on in front of different people, at different times, in different situations and for different reasons. However, I never realised that my masks are a reflection of what I am and what I am is a result of the masks I put on. And thus, perhaps I realise some of the masks that I chose to put on have fused with my identity as an individual and as a woman as well. Moreover, to me, the idea of masking always coincided with hypocrisy, deceit or cowardice. Never did it occur to me that, except after yesterday, that masks form an integral part of our process of becoming self aware.



Your Assignment:

Create a blog post with an image of:
  1. Your shadow mask, or
  2. An image from your Creative Process Journal that contains your reflections about your relationships with the masks you wear.

Word Limit 200 words/post.

Post with 2 labels:
  1. Your name
  2. Masked
To ensure meaningful dialogue, make 2 thoughtful comments to your classmates posts.

Shadow Masks Resource

Attached as an image is the resource for how to make the Shadow Masks

Sunday, October 24, 2010

For our reflective rant we tried experimenting with sand art. We explored the things which we like about being a guy and things that we don't. We used certain symbols as in an eagle to mean the fewer restrictions we face and an elephant to show physical strength.

The pride of having facial hair and the relief of not having menstrual pains. Lucky to not have labor pains yet jealous of not being able to give birth. The non-existence of a 'Guy's Night' and the fear of getting hit on the crotch. The embarassment of an uninvited erection and to end it all, premature ejaculation.

Please ignore the shabby editing and the vagueness of the video. It was an experimental venture and we are surprised that we actually completed it. :) Sorry about exceeding the time limit.

i am what....the society said ??!

the video shows how from birth we are always shown the ways to behave, act or even dress to the the 'differentiation' in us. the stick figures with the line in the center shows a toilet signboard, the most common we encounter.

Girls, they wanna have fun

Girls have certain wants and needs, even if they are imposed to follow the rules and regulations for their femininity. In this video we tried to show that girls like the attention, emotional space, the importance, but they also want to have fun.
The video projects the silhouette of a girl who wants to have fun, enjoys her daily gossips, and she loves the attention she gets from the opposite gender. She is very carefree and fun loving and would not care if she is labelled.


Gender is something which, is not inborn or biologically imbedded in us but is developed through time like our personality, and is constructed according to our experiences and our bringing up. All the selected things told to us is repeated till it is entrenched in us, That it is very tough to break through, even though our identity and experiences conflict to the taught views of the society .And it is those are the true heroes to overcome this conflict and show their real identities

What do i like being about a man

Just For A Change

The video is short and speaks about 2-3 factors that we thought we would want to change as a woman.

What do i like about being a guy?

The video is based on some random reflections I made about my gender and its characteristics.
My thoughts about the male gander went in this way,
"It's better to be a guy. >> A girls life is restricted>> As a guy I don't have to give a **** about anyone or anything>> I can roam around in the streets at night if I want to>> I can drink beer>> I can fornicate >> I can do anything in this world >> And IN THE END >> I DIE."

By the way I didn't have a partner for this assignment.
I got an idea and I completed the filming before I got a partner.
Hence I made the video alone.
Our Video blog speaks about the indefinite form of ones life in all ways including ones sexuality and feelings towards it. It talks about us exploring and finding our own path to a definite understanding to who we really are.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

like vs hate

We do know the video is exceeding the time limit but we could not have edited it beyond this....
We've used sand art techniques to rant about what we like and hate about our gender.

Reflective Rant- Us

You don't know me.

This video is definitely beyond the time limit. However we felt that we had a lot of fun doing the whole project so we wanted everyone to see what we came up with. Sorry that we got carried away. We accept all penalization. Abhishek and Shreya.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Reflective Rant

Your Assignment:

In pairs, create a 45-90 second video with shadow imagery and a reflective rant narrative.

Post with 3 labels:
  1. Your name
  2. Your partners name
  3. Reflective Rant
Comment on at least 2 other Reflective Rant posts.

Creative inspiration below:

Check out the powerful silhouette work of Kara Walker in the video below

Bubbles on an overhead projector

Sand Art on Projector

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

you are now pronounced male!!

“Gender is a set of characteristics that are seen to distinguish between male and female.” is what I have been hearing till now. They are roles created by the society as being ‘appropriate; for that particular sex. Being young give you freedom from the separation or not minded, the same pool, changing clothes easily were some things that could be easily done. The time that I got distinguished was when I started taking separate showers. One of the most commonly spoken about would be when be the difference between the toy we buy, with the mean and mighty for the boys and the delicate and docile for the girls. Gender roles according to me is set by the society as “suiting her/him best” ,not what the individual develops on her/his own, but what they are meant to follow in order to fit in.

How did I derive my gender

These are some pages from my journal which tells how i figured out how gendered i am ...this is not exactly an abstract but a somewhat a approach of making or writing notes throughout my past life

Gendeing one self

This shows my journey,in which i have got gendered and have paved a way for my sexuality and gender through out my life.
And looking back through my life it was really shocking to realize that as i grew up my restrictions and borders confided in ,giving me less space for my true identity and it was really weirdly funny to notice that my gender is influenced and impinted because of the fear of the society more than my own experience and experimentation .

You Are A Girl, He Is A Guy!

You are a girl you are suppose to ....
how can you do that? "You are a girl"
A girl should not do that!

Expectations? Restrictions? Few differences which when questioned are not answered or answered as " You are a Girl"

who defines the border for a girl and a guy? are they even any borders for a guy?

Is your gender defined by how you look OR by how you feel?

I never felt there was any difference until I noticed instances like-

when going out somewhere:

guy: Bye I am going!
(over and out)

girl: Bye I am going!
(Not over)
--> Where are you going?
       why do you need to go?
       with whom are you going?
       what time are you going to be back?
(still not over)

*phone calls* (every now and then)

And there are many things like these.

and if questioned by a girl... why only me? ... why don't you question him?
The answer is "he's a guy".

Caught between a boy and man...

It was not until kindergarten that I had developed a gender identity for myself. Being the only child in a family, for a long time I didn’t really know any difference between boys and girls. I just had the idea that girls wear different clothes than boys and spoke a little differently. And that was it that was all I knew.But by kindergarten I realised we were different from girls in a lot many ways.

Separate rows for girls , separate toilets, different uniforms, in fact even small things like our names played a role; when our names were called out for attendance I realised that boys and girls had different names. I had a name which no other girl had, but again was shared by five other boys in my class (yes, almost all Indian parents decided to name their kids Abhishek in 1990-91).

And embarrassing as it may be, I have to admit of being called a ‘girl’....several times. Over the phone, in the playground, in class; you name it, but that didn’t really affect me much. But perhaps that explained me hanging out with girls more than boys, because that was the only time I felt more masculine.

I always felt like a boy and still do, don’t feel like a man yet. Just a boy.

will this battle end...... ????

There are a number of factors that have affected my gender one of them being my emotions. Culture, family background, and the society do play a very important role. Since childhood there were a number of things I was told not to do or to stay away from. As I grew older these borders also started growing and became more intense. Even though my parents believe that they treated both their kids equally, my brother who was younger to had more freedom to be outside till late, change in public, and not worry about what clothes he has worn which made me realise later that this indifference was because of my gender. However there were many instances that made me change my thinking and at times I even took chances of breaking these borders and exploring those spaces. Before I was a very shy and introvert person but after I got involved in sports I changed a lot as a person and people started calling me tomboy as I used to be in my tracks and shorts most of the times , played games with guys and had more guy friends. Also I became independent quite early in life and I used to travel alone and live alone which man felt was not a right thing to do as a female. But I was comfortable with myself being that way. I feel that my brain and heart is a healthy mix of a woman and a man but I still strongly feel like a woman emotionally, physically and mentally.

How gendered

Gender 'I'dentity

I was reassured of my gender identity in the following events.
The most painful was when i was taken at the age of five to get holes pierced in my ears to poke small silver ornaments through so that i could be differentiated from boys.
The other was a chore when i was 'encouraged to start', though i regret discontinuing at this age. It was the classical dance classes i was asked to join.
I was also never allowed to travel by public transport during the day or night.
Whenever anyone would buy presents they always coincidently chose the colours pink, purple or other feminine colours. So my wadrobe or toy things were always colour co-ordinated.
During my school days when choosing subjects some were considered boy subjects - maths, economics, accounts whereas girls chose art subjects instead.

My first log book post

how and when i realized my gender?

i realized my gender when i was in grade 3 after a bullying incident that happened with me when a group of my classmates bullied me and dragged me and locked me in the girls washroom and there were already some girls inside. I felt very embarrassed when i came out and people teased me about it for months after that which left a deep impact on mind as it clearly marked a clear boundary in my mind about the difference between girls and boys. Also many unanswered questions and built-in interests and fantasies which were just there and I never knew about them but when i became aware of them like ' oh yeah! i like cars and hot girls and guns are nice but i hate dolls' was actually true and that what a man really likes and thats exactly what i like. This realization played an important role in helping me realize my gender.

How did I derive my Gender?

I found it interesting how i never really ended up thinking about how i derived my gender before?
To go back in time, I found it really interesting and remember all these instances, to start with - As a child, since our voice had not cracked and as i would answer the phone - people thought i was a girl due to my voice. Various other simple incidents like when guys would go swimming, we were allowed to cover only one part of the body while women were told to be dressed and carry their body differently.
These small incidents played an important role in my early realization of my gender - Later on i can say my first sexual experience with the opposite sex had an important role in my gender and sexuality discovery.

Svabhu Varma

I have to prove myself

I am not confused or unsure of my sexuality, but a constant expectation regarding my masculinity and its show from other- peers as well as family makes me think, why do i have to prove myself to anyone? how will it affect them? is it because they are unsure of their sexuality and its portrayal and thus expect others to showcase their masculinity or femininity. Or is it homophobia that makes such situations to arise.
Another observation is that as a man I am Expected to play an active role, in comparison to woman who are expected to play a passive role. I am in no way saying that I do not play an active role sexually or emotionally but this idea of showcasing it to others so that they feel sure around you is something i can't really get my head around. Throughout life I myself have been tutored to demand others of their surety of sexuality and probably it is something very difficult to get out of. But i am happy that such a thought has arisen for me to ponder over.

Could you say that just by looking at me?

In my journal, I've asked myself questions, written down dialogues I've grown up having and then tried to visualize what I think of gender identity.
Its neither here nor there.
Visually, I am a woman, biologically I am,
But who decides on the behavioural front,
who defines what I am?
I think looking at differences in gender and how it leads to social situations of a violent nature, will get difficult, since the stand I take might be affected by the warped understanding I have of my gender identity.
But do I need that clarification about my gender ?
Couldn't it just exist without a name or a definition?

how i was gendered

when i was thinking on this question 'how i was gendered?'. i came up with different point but in all that i think the most important part is played by my likes and dislikes. and thats what definitely gendered me.
since my childhood i know what i like and what i hate, also its been constant for a long time. for example colors i like, cloths i wear, colors i hate., sports i like etc.
as well as other that this the way i talk,i behave in public and people around me are responsible for my gender identity.
so over all my likes dislike and environment around me has gendered me.i guess.

I am willing to explore..

I made a stencil of a cup placed near a round jug and painted the shapes into the journal.
The cup represents my sexual identity because as a sexual being I have a gender and have my characteristics. Yet, just like a cup does, I am open for other materials to fill myself up. In this context, the jug placed next to the cup in the stencil represents my opposite gender and the open cup refers to my willingness to explore and experience my opposite genders characteristics.

The uploaded picture is from the my journal and it shows the transitions of my thoughts and behavior as I progressed in age. At the age of 16, I started discovering the sexual aspect of the male gender and in the picture, the characteristics of the pot that represents me consists of timidness, hyperactiveness, sensitiveness, sensibility etc.
Similarly at 16, the characteristics I saw in my opposite gender includes shyness, restrictiveness.. etc.

When I found in myself many characters of male behavior, I didn't want to confine myself that set of behavior but instead I put in effort to empathize the behavior of other genders and other groups and I still do that.